Each year, Thanksgiving busts belts across the island as the final night of peace before we make our mad dash through those pesky December holidays.
On the night of the picked-clean turkey carcass, there are no long lines or claustrophobic malls or shoppers camped outside of the local appliance store—at least, there shouldn’t be. Black Friday, the day when America’s consumer obsession kicks into high gear for the holidays, begins for some on Thanksgiving night or even before the bird hits the table. Shoppers will hit the Broadway and Roosevelt Field malls, the outlets, the many Targets and Best Buys, along with all of the other retailers who joyfully call in their workforce to man the yearly shopping apocalypse.
Here’s the problem with shopping on Thanksgiving: Unless it involves a panicked trip to the grocery store because you forgot butter, it is sacrilege. What’s more, with deep-discounted seasonal deals, the biggest bargains are no longer restricted to Black Friday or Thanksgiving. Many stores offer those same deals on the weekends before and after, so you, the Black Friday shopper, are wasting your time and blowing your turkey day for no good reason.
If you truly want to know “how to survive Black Friday” or “where to get the best deals on Thanksgiving night,” the answer is simple: Stay home and enjoy your family. Eat as much pie as is humanly possible without injuring yourself. Play a board game that will inevitably devolve into a heated political argument with your uncle. And on Black Friday, stay home some more. Eat as many leftovers as is humanly possible. Rejoice at the lack of heated political arguments with family members.
Most importantly, give thanks that you didn’t plunk down any of your hard-earned money on a phony bargain for a material item you probably didn’t need in the first place. That money is much better spent on butter, anyhow.